This story about Slippy, our favourite member in the house and our toilet, who recently fell very ill. In leu of his unstable health, we pray that our dearest feels better soon as without him we’d feel emotionally and physically impaired.
Recently, in our quaint lovely home, we had a toilet fiasco. For the sake of not visually scarring ourselves, let’s call ur toilet slippy and imagine him to be a person. Trust me, he has people like feelings, a give his volatile nature, he could definitely classify one. It had been a few days that Slippy was not feeling too well. His stomach would growl and he’d feel pukish as if he ate something that didn’t suit him well. He’d cough and spew and choke up every now and then. At first, the choking happened only once a month, and we’d have to call his friend- Sam, the plunger, to help him out. But then, the choking started happening every other day. It was a menace! And soon, Sam wasn’t of much help.
As I reminisce the good old Slippy-functional days, I begin to understand that living in a house with four women, took a toll on him. He was, of course, kept quite busy with our whims and cries throughout the day. He was our favorite person to hang out with. Some of us would sing to him in the shower, while others would use him to help with the Instagram scrolling- if you know what I mean. But soon Slippy started acting out as if revolting to these multiple relationships. He was a loner all these years, was much over thirty, and would act grumpy when it came to new people and company. I supposed that’s why he’d get temperamental about all the fuss and attention sometimes.
To help Slippy, we called our landlord, Walter, who is quite a hysteric chap. Walter has the rambles of an old man that’s part deaf and agitated. He’d repeat the same thing a hundred times and ask us over our conversation sick dead bodies if we were listening still. I’ve developed partial hearing because of him. No kidding there. Despite all the bickering, he’s still our main man tho. The man of the house, we could say. Upon our repeated summons, Walter would drop by with his ‘mega plunger’ as he called it, to fix poor slippy’s mess. “I take care of youz guys!” he’d say and we nod along in grumpy agreement. We just really wanted him to help us deal with Slippy’s mess. Now, don’t get me wrong! It’s not slippy’s FAULT that he keeps unwell. I don’t want to toilet shame him. But just like his owner, slippy is old, fragile and hot-headed, ready to spin outta control at the drop of a hat, I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Honestly, I know how Slippy feels… and I’ve been where he’s been.
Emotionally of course! What were YOU thinkin’?? Dirty minds :p
It’s really hard to be clogged up emotionally. Honestly, better out than in, I say. I’ve spent many years of my life feeling emotionally constipated- thinking that I can’t express myself or that I shouldn’t because my needs won’t be met. It took me time and effort from my counselor to realize what it was doing to my life. I was losing touch with my emotions, and therefore with myself. I was growing unsatisfied in relationships because I wasn’t able to express my emotional needs, which lead to frustration and resentment. It’s not a good place to be in. I remember the feeling of release and relief in therapy when my first emotional unclogging happened. It was a feeling I’d never felt before- which made it both magical and terrifying. We called it my first ‘toilet moment’. And there were many more to follow. “Who knew it would be such a relief to associate with a toilet,” my counselor smiled. I assured her that I’d rather keep at it.
Slippy’s case was the same in many ways. And we needed to help him.
“You’re clogging Slippy up!!”, Walter said. “You’z girls probably don’t take care of him! Y’all must be overloading him, not washing him properly and not maintainin’ him! That’s what the problemz is!” he bellows, trying to make us feel guilty about all this. “That’s not true Walter” we try to retaliate “we take care of him” we whine with helplessness. “It’s NOT us!!” Shouts one of my roomies, as she goes rogue and tries to handle things her way. “Maybe there’s something wrong with the pipes!! This house is old and dingy and doesn’t work properly anyway!!” she yells and tries to throw blame. We glare at her cause we know she’s the one who doesn’t wash her dishes and slips past all the household chores, turning a blind eye to them. Making me think that she’s in severe need of someone scaling her down and getting her domesticated.
Walter breathes slowly and says: “You know you’re supposed to maintain him. Keep him clean. And not overload him, or he’d break down.” We cringed at the thought of a mass meltdown in the house. In the scenario that Slippy had a breakdown- I, myself, would certainly either jump right outta the window or faint. “You know we take care of him Walter… he’s just old now. The taking care doesn’t help. He’s choking up irrespective! And honestly, I’m a lot more worried that he might just vomit🤮” I told him, assuring him that IF slippy vomited, It was certain I’d faint. And that’d be on him! I swear.
Walter leans against the door looking slightly defeated, slowly realizing that retaliating won’t help. He’d already come over a dozen times to unclog Slippy, and now Sam couldn’t help either. That meant him admitting that things may not be our fault after all. He’d definitely needed to take measures at his end. If he didn’t, then Slippy wouldn’t be able to survive this. And we would not be left behind to watch it!
“You know what I’m gonna do for you, Suze?” He says animatedly flinging Sam. She sprayed water on the floor and we yelped disgustedly. He calls me Suze cause he can’t pronounce my name. At times I’ve been called Sushi, and I think that’s okay :’) “You know what I’m gonna do for you, Suze?” He chimes in again. “I’m gonna put a brand new toilet in there for you. Just for you! Cause I don’t want you inconvenienced. You see? I take care of youz girls!” He says. I smile sheepishly and politely say: “No ones’ ever done that for me, Walter! :’)” He bursts out laughing. “You’re smart girl Suzie!” He pats me on the back and gets ready to leave. “I told ya! Call me if there’s any problem, no problem. I take care of youz girls, you’ll see!”.
We all nod in agreement at the thought of a new Slippy.
We’ll miss him, but it’s for the greater good that he gets replaced.
He was a good man and a faithful friend. It’s time he moved on to the nether realm.
*To emotional health and better toilet management*