This story about Slippy, our favourite member in the house and our toilet, who recently fell very ill. In leu of his unstable health, we pray that our dearest feels better soon as without him we’d feel emotionally and physically impaired.
Recently, in our quaint lovely home, we had a toilet fiasco. For the sake of not scaring ourselves, let’s call our toilet slippy and imagine as a person. It had been a few days that Slippy was not feeling well. His stomach would growl. He’d feel pukish as if he ate something that didn’t suit him well. He’d cough and spew and choke up every now and then. At first, the choking happened only once a month, and we’d have to call his friend- Sam, the plunger, to help him out. But then, the choking started happening every other day. It was a menace! And soon, Sam wasn’t of much help.
As I reminisce the good old Slippy-functional days, I begin to understand that living in a house with four women, took a toll on him. He was, of course, kept quite busy with our whims and cries throughout the day. He was our favorite person to hang out with. Some of us would sing to him in the shower, while others would use him to help with the Instagram scrolling- if you know what I mean. But soon Slippy started acting out as if retaliating to these multiple relationships. He was a loner all these years, was much over thirty, and would act real temperamental when it came to new people and company.
To help Slippy, we called our landlord, Walter, who is quite a hysterical chap. Walter has the rambles of an old man that’s part deaf and agitated. He’d repeat the same thing a hundred times and ask us over our conversation sick dead bodies if we were still listening. I’ve developed partial hearing because of him. Despite all the bickering, he’s still our main man tho. Upon our repeated summons, Walter would drop by with his ‘mega plunger’ as he called it, to fix poor slippy’s mess. “I take care of youz guys!” he’d say and we nod along in grumpy agreement. We just really wanted him to help us deal with Slippy’s mess. It’s not slippy’s FAULT that he keeps unwell. But just like his owner, slippy is old, fragile and hot-headed. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
“You’re clogging Slippy up!!”, Walter said. “You’z girls probably don’t take care of him! Y’all must be overloading him, not washing him properly and not maintainin’ him! That’s what the problemz is!” he bellows. “That’s not true Walter” we try to retaliate “we take care of him”. “It’s NOT us!!” Shouts one of my roomies, as she goes rogue and tries to handle things her way. “Maybe there’s something wrong with the pipes!! This house is old and dingy and doesn’t work properly anyway!!” she yells and tries to throw blame. Walter swells and retaliates: “You know you’re supposed to maintain him. Keep him clean. And not overload him, or he’d break down.” We cringed at the thought of a mass meltdown in the house. “You know we take care of him Walter… he’s just old now. The taking care doesn’t help. He’s choking up irrespective! And honestly, I’m a lot more worried that he might just vomit🤮 ” I told him, assuring him that IF slippy vomited, It was certain that I would either jump outta the window or faint.
Walter leans against the door looking slightly defeated.
“Can I say something?” gurgled Slippy. Walter shrieked and dropped Sam. “I’ve been a part of this home for many decades now. I’ve served many people, you and old. I have been diligent and devoted to the people living in this house. But I’m tired of taking care of their mess.”
“Maybe it’s time we replace him” I said quietly.
“He’s been in this house for decades…” said Walter teary eyed. “It’s probably better that he gets a chance to spend his last days in peace…”.
“We think so..” the rest of us chimed in.
“You know what I’m gonna do for you, Suze?” He says animatedly flinging Sam. She sprayed water on the floor and we yelped disgustedly (He calls me Suze cause he can’t pronounce my name). “You know what I’m gonna do for you?” He chimes in again. “I’m gonna put a brand new toilet in there for you. Just for you! Cause I don’t want you inconvenienced. You see? I take care of youz girls!” He says.
I smile sheepishly and say: “No ones’ ever done that for me, Walter! :’)”
He bursts out laughing. “You’re smart girl Suzie!” He pats me on the back and gets ready to leave. “I told ya! I take care of youz girls, you’ll see!”.
We all nod in agreement at the thought of a new Slippy.
We’ll miss him, but it’s for the greater good that he gets replaced.
He was a good man and a faithful friend. It’s time he moved on to the nether realm.
*To emotional health and better toilet management*