Are You ‘The One’?

It starts in my soul, and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose, the feelin’ shows
‘Cause you make me smile, baby, just take your time now
Holdin’ me tight, wherever you go

– Bubbly, Colbie Caillat

All of us have grown up with the concept of the one- the one person we connect with and are meant to spend our lives with. The one person who walks into our lives like the spring we’ve been long waiting for. They send our heart fluttering and make our knees weak – every time they’re nearby the sun’s shining, the birds are chirping and we’re grinning like a fool at this miracle that has dawned upon us.

Sounds familiar?

I’d think so.

All of us have been there. Silly and stupid in love. Curled in bed with our eyes glued to our phones as we text this amazing guy or girl we met that made our toes curl ❤ That’s the fun of it, right? I love the feeling! heheheh… *butterflies*

Growing up with these expectations from romantic relationships I felt like I put a lot of pressure on them. I used to walk into a date with a checklist. I’d concentrate on the fact that he’s well read instead of his body language or how he makes me feel. I pressured my self to be the funny one- cause it’s okay if it’s disappointing that he doesn’t have a sense of humor. I can make anybody laugh! Another defense mechanism. When I met someone I liked, I’d project all my desires and fantasies on them, as if they’re a demi-god that can fulfill everything I want. It’s SO MUCH better now to be able to get to know someone and enjoy their reality as opposed to trying to live in a mirage. It’s a happier and more sustainable relationship. People are wonderful and I think it’s exciting to try to understand them better the way they are.

I’ve been so heartbroken in the past over guys that have left me even when there wasn’t enough chemistry or content because I was so in love with the idea of being loved. I was brainwashed. And I wasn’t the only one! I’ve seen friends mold their partner’s personalities around their own expectations. The idea of what their ideal partner should be like is so deeply ingrained in their minds that they’re ready to torture the one their with to avoid leaving them, growing through the pain and finding someone who fits better. And I don’t blame them; breakups hurt. All of us are those kids inside who want to be loved and appreciated. And we deserve it! I have such a loving family, I can’t even begin to fathom how the child inside me would feel without them.

As we move from date to date and jump from relationship to relationship to find the perfect fit, we are on an endless conquest of the non-existent. Have you seen the movie called Isn’t It Romantic? A chubby girl with wonder-filled eyes grows up deprived of love while hearing constant jabs about her possibilities of a romantic life; She bumps her head and stumbles into an alternate universe where New York is clean and pretty and everyone is nice to her. Also, there’s a hunky billionaire who’s head over heels in love

 

with her and is persistent in showing his affection. She tries to do everything to get out of this absurd world. Tries to dress up, fall in love with the billionaire, swing to cheesy dance songs, everything she thinks the universe wants her to do to get out of the place! Only in the end does she realize that it was herself that she was meant to fall in love with. Because she alone is enough. Don’t get me wrong! All of us need loving and nurturing relationships. But how do we love someone else when we aren’t in love with ourselves? How do we lose ourselves in someone without getting lost if we don’t know ourselves? How do we accept love if we don’t truly believe we deserve it? It’s tough.

It’s so important in this day and age of booming technology and over communication to take a few steps back and be a little old school. Take it slow. It’s important to know that there is no ‘the one’. It’s a myth. There is no perfect person or perfect relationships. People are flawed. they come with their own insecurities and baggage and that’s okay. It’s okay to be imperfect; It’s beautiful even. Cheesy as it sounds, our imperfections are a part of us and our experiences do make us unique. A little empathy for the people we love would really take us a long way in our relationship. I smile as I remember my aunt telling me that.

Maybe we shouldn’t burden ourselves with the concept of the one.

There’s someone for everyone. And of course, it’s a matter of finding them- cause they’re not going to bust down your door and barge into your place.

But maybe it’s great to just find someone who fits, you know?
With whom you have chemistry
Someone you love laughing with
Someone who makes you feel warm inside
Someone you trust

And it’s definitely possible to find someone like that! It’s possible to find MULTIPLE someones like that! Hell, there are 7 billion people on this planet! 😂

I’ve Got Your Back

Let’s talk about Brocode. Bromance. Broism. Bromide? I don’t know! All of the above. Except for Bromide.
I failed Chemistry 😀

We all know the famous brocode that is honored among bros. These are the obvious rules or guidelines among bros that are religiously followed in order to show loyalty to the pact.

Examples:

#1 Sisters are off limits
#2 Exes are off limits
#3 If a guy is chasing a girl, let him have her
#4 Do not in any way, be that guy
#5 You always watch the game
Etcetera…

We often see guys follow these particular guidelines and stick by their bros no matter what. Women are often put in this mold of stereotype, where they are expected to backstab and claw at each other.
While this is far from the truth, stories of sisterhood support are like urban myths right now. Nobody is ready to believe that women can be there for other women, irrespective of caste, age, religion, and culture.
Allow me to share with you a story from my sisterhood band:
I had a very sweet and naive roommate, who used to try to look at the best in people. She had just moved out of her home and had livedwallpaper.wiki-Free-Download-Disney-Tangled-Wallpaper-PIC-WPD008786 in the protective shell of her parents her whole life. There were two gentlemen whose company she frequented. One very loud and obnoxious and the other of the creepy sorts. I tried to politely imply that they may not be the best kind of company. But starry-eyed with her new found freedom, lovely roommate did not heed to my warnings. Summer came, summer went and she was still the best of pals with them. “Maybe they’re not so bad!” I thought. So the next time we hosted a dinner party for Diwali, I suggested that she call them along with our mutual friends.

Lots of food and games and laughter was what that evening entailed. Lovely roommate was forever engrossed in her conversation with friends ‘loud and obnoxious’ and ‘creepy creeperson’. She seemed Happy! And I felt a little guilt for having judged them so harshly. By the end of the evening, I felt quite elated to have found a set of people who felt like friends in a new strange city.

But alas! My friendly musings were short lived. We all gathered together to take a group photo that marked the end of the night. Squashed between lovely roommate and her creepy friend, I tried my best to plaster a smile giphy (1)for the group photograph. As we huddled together, I felt a hand wrap around my waist in a very inappropriate and uncomfortable fashion. Creepy creeperson here was trying to cross a line! Flustered, I tried to nudge him away but he kept trying to hold on. Angry, I elbow jerked him into moving away and marched over to the kitchen with my roommate while he yelped in pain. I animatedly told her everything that happened. She was aghast.

My roommate told another roommate who told another roommate who told a friend. Within 5 minutes the girl squad was ready to throw this pesky beast out of the house. We pushed him out into the cold to figure his way back home and barked behind him to never return again! Teary-eyed, lovely roommate apologized for her friend’s behavior as she felt responsible. We hugged it out, and from there on she always made it a point to protect me from such leeches, even though she didn’t have to 😂

Thank you lovely roommate for having my back 🙂
The sisterhood still survives…

I thought long and hard about how I could best define sisterhood. A conversation with a fellow sister brought clarity to what sisterhood means for me. Sisterhood to me means belonging to a pact where you feel understood and cared for. 52f4fb13d39d155ae28b6d5d032872cf--bff-ideas-bff-pictures-ideasHaving a free space – where you can be yourself and you know you’re not being judged. Having someone to come back to after a tired day in the cold, and find something nice and warm cooked for you. Having the security that this person understands when you feel vulnerable and is ready to help you through tough times. Having the assurity that you can go out in that dress you were so shy to wear for so long. Knowing that your sisters will have your back, encouraging you with nods and smiles through the evening. And when the dress backfires, they’ll be with you in the washroom, brushing your hair and redoing your make up to make sure you look good. Having someone be kind to you when its ‘that’ time of the month and say “Hey, it’s okay, why don’t you lie down and I’ll make you hot chocolate!”

It could be a bond between sisters or a group of close friends. It could be a close relationship between a mother and her daughter or a niece with her aunt. It could be a teacher and a student or two neighbors who feel a connection.

A sisterhood bond is not superficial. It’s not parties and makeup and gossip like most people think. Strong sisterhoods are forged from years of togetherness where you feel seen, heard, understood. Where your principles valued and your aspirations adorned. We talk about things that matter and take a stand for each other.

Sure, we don’t have a book of sisterhood rules. That’s because there is only one rule:

Come what may, you have to have your sister’s back!

This one is dedicated to all my sisters.

 

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But, We Were Just Joking Yaar!

“Aur moti! Kya chal raha hai? Khane ke ilava bhi kuch kaam kar liya kar :p”
“Are, abhi toh explain kiya tha! Tu bhi na. Tubelight” WhatsApp Image 2019-02-17 at 7.06.58 PM
“Aur chashmish! kitni ungliyan pakad rakhi hain ye?! :’) ”
“Sorry yaar, tu andhere mein dikh nahi raha tha”
“Ey Hanger! Kabhi kabar khana bhi kha liya kar” 

All of us have had that friend or been that friend at some point right? :’) I remember them college days, when we had learned to pick up swear words, and it was all the rage among most of us! The ones who are the closest abuse each other the most- and har chalte phirte bande pe commentry karna toh banta hai. Because- ‘Cool’. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s uncomfortable that it is socially acceptable in our culture to make jabs at each other, but respecting boundaries has been a struggle for most of us, I suppose. I remember finding it inappropriate to hear people and their bodies being commented on. But then again, “abh kaun baar baar samjhaye”.

Culturally too the idea of body and health is so varied. It’s pretty confusing for many young adults like me who’ve lived across many countries. WhatsApp Image 2019-02-14 at 8.53.56 AMI remember my friend Purity describing her experience with body shaming back home. She struggled with terms like “kali-kalutti” in Warangal. Because.. black. “Haha”. She is this gorgeous woman with a well-proportioned body, an athletic build, and a personality to die for. But she lives in Kenya, where most women are healthier if they are more voluminous. The funny thing was that while in India her form was alluring, in Kenya, she was underweight. Unfed even! She’d have people ask her if she was unhappy in college. Call her malnourished and nudge her parents to get her home often so that she could be “properly cared for”. But the truth was, that she was always built like that. And she is more than fine! That’s her on the right. Doesn’t she look full of sass *and* grace? (:

The tricky thing about such kind of body shaming is that even though we are being playful, we influence how the other person feels about their body. One moment you’re making funny references and the next your friend’s flying off the handle, crying about something you said months ago. Uh-Oh! 1526930_1429683360596076_1175242844_n

Honestly, the times that I’ve felt good in my body – with the weight, dark circles, and everything – are days when I’ve felt a deep sense of love for my self.

On days when I’ve felt beautiful, strong, confident, kind, passionate and seen. And there’s power in that kind of beauty, because it doesn’t depend on your clothes or how you accessorize, It depends on how you feel about yourself. And nobody can take that away from you… So it’s here to stay 🙂

My brother Anhad calls me his ‘cuddliest’ cousin :’) He once saw me putting on eyeliner as I was getting ready to go somewhere and asked: “What’s that on your face?”. “Eyeliner”, I said. “It’s used to make your eyes look bigger”. He looked at me confused and said:

“But, you don’t need it. You look better without it”. So I listened to him! No eyeliner on dates anymore 🙂 I’ma be myself. Ruffled, and out of bed. We’ll call it being Americano.

Trust me I am one of the friendliest people I know :’) And I *do not* mind being the butt of jokes once in a while. In fact, many times, I really enjoy it too! It makes me feel more intimate with my friends 😀 But sometimes, when I feel like that’s all I’m identified with, it gets to me. And I know, that more often than not, any friendly jab is just that. Because they ARE joking! But it’s become a status quo – something that needs changing.

So, what if – for one moment – we turned the tables for a bit?

What if the sunset in the east and rose from the west?

What if we made digs at each other using complements, instead of insults? :-O

Wouldn’t that be an amusing but cozy way of getting affectionate with each other?

A simple- “Hey! You look nice today”
“I like your t-shirt”
“You make me want to be a better person” – could do the trick!

Okay, I know the last one was a bit cheesy, but you get the point ^_^

And if nothing else, then stand in front of the mirror and own that tummy tire, skinny collar bone, and freckled chin. After all, a very wise singer once said:

lyrics-whos-that-sexy-thang-see-over-there-thats-me-2485054

*mic drop*