Are You ‘The One’?

It starts in my soul, and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose, the feelin’ shows
‘Cause you make me smile, baby, just take your time now
Holdin’ me tight, wherever you go

– Bubbly, Colbie Caillat

All of us have grown up with the concept of the one- the one person we connect with and are meant to spend our lives with. The one person who walks into our lives like the spring we’ve been long waiting for. They send our heart fluttering and make our knees weak – every time they’re nearby the sun’s shining, the birds are chirping and we’re grinning like a fool at this miracle that has dawned upon us.

Sounds familiar?

I’d think so.

All of us have been there. Silly and stupid in love. Curled in bed with our eyes glued to our phones as we text this amazing guy or girl we met that made our toes curl ❤ That’s the fun of it, right? I love the feeling! heheheh… *butterflies*

Growing up with these expectations from romantic relationships I felt like I put a lot of pressure on them. I used to walk into a date with a checklist. I’d concentrate on the fact that he’s well read instead of his body language or how he makes me feel. I pressured my self to be the funny one- cause it’s okay if it’s disappointing that he doesn’t have a sense of humor. I can make anybody laugh! Another defense mechanism. When I met someone I liked, I’d project all my desires and fantasies on them, as if they’re a demi-god that can fulfill everything I want. It’s SO MUCH better now to be able to get to know someone and enjoy their reality as opposed to trying to live in a mirage. It’s a happier and more sustainable relationship. People are wonderful and I think it’s exciting to try to understand them better the way they are.

I’ve been so heartbroken in the past over guys that have left me even when there wasn’t enough chemistry or content because I was so in love with the idea of being loved. I was brainwashed. And I wasn’t the only one! I’ve seen friends mold their partner’s personalities around their own expectations. The idea of what their ideal partner should be like is so deeply ingrained in their minds that they’re ready to torture the one their with to avoid leaving them, growing through the pain and finding someone who fits better. And I don’t blame them; breakups hurt. All of us are those kids inside who want to be loved and appreciated. And we deserve it! I have such a loving family, I can’t even begin to fathom how the child inside me would feel without them.

As we move from date to date and jump from relationship to relationship to find the perfect fit, we are on an endless conquest of the non-existent. Have you seen the movie called Isn’t It Romantic? A chubby girl with wonder-filled eyes grows up deprived of love while hearing constant jabs about her possibilities of a romantic life; She bumps her head and stumbles into an alternate universe where New York is clean and pretty and everyone is nice to her. Also, there’s a hunky billionaire who’s head over heels in love

 

with her and is persistent in showing his affection. She tries to do everything to get out of this absurd world. Tries to dress up, fall in love with the billionaire, swing to cheesy dance songs, everything she thinks the universe wants her to do to get out of the place! Only in the end does she realize that it was herself that she was meant to fall in love with. Because she alone is enough. Don’t get me wrong! All of us need loving and nurturing relationships. But how do we love someone else when we aren’t in love with ourselves? How do we lose ourselves in someone without getting lost if we don’t know ourselves? How do we accept love if we don’t truly believe we deserve it? It’s tough.

It’s so important in this day and age of booming technology and over communication to take a few steps back and be a little old school. Take it slow. It’s important to know that there is no ‘the one’. It’s a myth. There is no perfect person or perfect relationships. People are flawed. they come with their own insecurities and baggage and that’s okay. It’s okay to be imperfect; It’s beautiful even. Cheesy as it sounds, our imperfections are a part of us and our experiences do make us unique. A little empathy for the people we love would really take us a long way in our relationship. I smile as I remember my aunt telling me that.

Maybe we shouldn’t burden ourselves with the concept of the one.

There’s someone for everyone. And of course, it’s a matter of finding them- cause they’re not going to bust down your door and barge into your place.

But maybe it’s great to just find someone who fits, you know?
With whom you have chemistry
Someone you love laughing with
Someone who makes you feel warm inside
Someone you trust

And it’s definitely possible to find someone like that! It’s possible to find MULTIPLE someones like that! Hell, there are 7 billion people on this planet! 😂

Pretty As A Picture

Do you know what it’s like to paint?

For most people it’s purely meditative.

I’d never had that experience before. I used to draw when I was a little kid- like most of us did. But after crossing middle school, it wasn’t something I took seriously. I wonder why.

My sister is a fabulous artist! That kid has an eye for the most intricate details. It amazes me how perceptive even a child can be. I think it shows that we absorb more than we think we do… She starting sketching with her Eiffel tower piece below. Me? I’m “different”.
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Have you ever had that feeling that you’re terribly bad at something? Like, significantly worse at it than others? Yeah, Me too.

I’m terrible at sketching. TERRIBLE.

My circles are ovals, my ovals are circular, I do not understand angles and my shading and sense of proportions is bizarre. It’s kind of funny Related image

I literally get nervous when I paint because I’m so convinced of how bad it’s going to be. Below are a few more samples that I really like from my sister’s collection.

 

Just like me,

Millions of adults around the world would break into a cold sweat if asked to draw a picture in front of a group of people. They’d deny any artistic talent, make excuses, and do whatever it took to avoid being on the spot with a pencil in their hand.

But ask a couple of five-year-olds to do the same thing, and within seconds they‘ll be drawing, explaining, and creating artistic masterpieces for all to see.

After a terrifying past with my attempts with art, I slowly mustered the courage to try to stop being silly and try art again. It took a lot of convincing from Namini, my college roommate, who kept egging me on to give it a try. WhatsApp Image 2019-03-16 at 1.01.34 AMShe has gotten into more ‘simplistic art’ recently where she uses watercolors to paint what she finds fascinating. And even though she keeps insisting that they’re nothing great, I think they’re quite deep and hence fantastic. This is a sample from her art collection on the right. She has an array of artwork but I really like this one best because I connect with it on a personal level. This piece symbolizes to me how the dolphin is appreciating the lonely starry night in its peace and calm. I find myself remembering times when I’ve been in the middle of nature during travels and have felt so deeply in love with myself and everything around me. It simmers on me a sense of calm and peace which is almost sedating in a way. Not that I’m trying to say I’m a dolphin, but you get the point.

So what happened between the age of 5 and 15 that makes me terrified to draw? What makes YOU afraid?

For many people, it’s when they first realize that their drawings look nothing like reality. They can SEE the obvious mistakes, but have no idea how to fix them; feeling that if they can’t draw something perfectly, then they shouldn’t draw it at all. I know I’ve felt that way.

Perhaps it came as a surprise when one of my classmates at school laughed at my art homework and said your “family portrait” looked like two giraffes and an alien.

That’s a tough critique for anybody to take, let alone a kid, but it doesn’t mean I’m not an artist.

Most people think artists have some kind of gift, and I suppose that some artists are born with a talent for art. But, if we looked at the childhood drawings of 100 professional artists, I’d bet you’d find that 99 of them made the same type of scribbles and stick figures that all of us did as a kid.stick-figure-blue-shoes

The difference is that they never quit making scribbles, and at some point, they LEARNED to draw, whether from books, videos, teachers, or just on their own with lots of practice.

So why would it be any different for us? In fact, in order to not fall into a few of the potholes, we could be a little more diligent by making sure that we pick a reference before we draw or paint something. This is because drawing or painting something from memory can be pretty hard. Our memories get blurred and obstructed over time and when we draw based on something we vaguely remember, it often turns out to look horrible on paper. This is why many beginner artists get discouraged as well because they set a high expectation of drawing something very close to their imagination. Another reason is that people often have an expectation of picking up quicker and not realizing that it takes time and constant effort to improve this skill like any other. We immediately jump to wanting to draw a caricature of George Bush or a tropical sketch of the mountains forgetting that good art doesn’t happen with the snap of a finger.

The thing is, there’s no need to keep thinking that you have to be born with some amazing talent to be an artist. All it really takes is for somebody to teach you, plus some time and effort on your part. And I think this applies to all form of creativity and skill, not just art.

So while we try to enhance our skillsets and upgrade ourselves or just nurture our talents and learn new perspectives, maybe we should also learn to go easy on ourselves.

Slowly and steadily, we’ll all get there someday 😊❤️

Declutter

This is a very amateur attempt at trying to answer this particular question I saw on Quora, and in all probability is utter rubbish, but I’m still going to try.

Declutter your mind:

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I had a very random and unexpected moment of realization on the way back home today. I was taking an auto back to my place. Now, there are two routes to get to my block. The first is the main road, which is my preferred route simply because it has lesser traffic and people in general, while the second is a shorter one because it follows the inner lanes but tends to get jammed often.

I was perfectly aware of the possible nuisance the shorter route could cause, and since I am a person of negligible patience, I would usually stick to the main road… But today I was slightly distracted with a call and I absolutely forgot to tell the autowala to continue on the usual route. The resultant of this absentmindedness was that he took a right instead, thinking that he would take the shorter route and we would reach faster, which in turn resulted in him driving right into the hurly-burly of that lane. And at that point, amidst all the chaos and a throbbing nerve, did I realize that this is exactly what MY state of mind mostly feels like! :’D

Our minds are in such a constant state of unrest with everything that’s going on that we don’t even realize the amount of traffic all those thoughts are causing; I’m not even sure if I can call it a train of thoughts, because at least a train has a certain order and sequence about it..This just felt like a death race between trashy cars! Most of it was just noise! Other people’s noise! Noise that you don’t even need, and would gladly do without. Only when you declutter your mind and reduce the traffic will you finally have the whole lane to yourself. Only then will you really be able to sit back, listen to the music (Your thoughts, your emotions, your ambitions, and your motivations) and only then will you really be able to enjoy the ride!

Apologies for only listing out one, but if and when you do get the time and patience to ponder over this answer is when you will likely realize that this particular ability is most possibly of paramount importance.

To view the rest of the answers to this question, please navigate to:

https://www.quora.com/What-are-2-things-I-can-start-doing-today-to-be-happier-in-life