The Dark Side Of Being Nice

Harry eases into his couch with a bag of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans after a long day of Quidditch practice. He opens his diary and starts to scribble to himself.

What does it mean to be nice and likable? Have you really thought about where these concepts of ‘good’ and ‘evil’ came from? “We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on” Sirius Black, told Harry once. But what does that mean really… Umbridge never thought he was any good. The Dursleys never thought he was any good. Cho probably didn’t think too much about him either. He was always too skinny, too peaky, too demanding. It can be very limiting to belong to these labels and be expected to live up to them every now time. It can make people feel very caged inside. Dykstra_20160228_5514-2

Has anybody ever thought about the dark side of being nice though? Cause nice people also lie. They tell you things about you that aren’t true because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.  They don’t say things to you that they should because they don’t want to rock the boat. Many of their actions are guided by their self-interest.  By that, I mean that their niceness has more to do with what others think about them – primarily their concern that other people like them. Not very nice though, is it? I myself have been guilty on many occasions of being nice to avoid conflict.

Let’s think long and hard here for a little while… Would you really want to be nice and miss out on the chance to have a more fulfilling experience of life? Would you really want the course of your life to be defined by other people because you were too sweet to say no to them? Would you really want to experience resentment in your relationships because you’re exhausted people-pleasing and now you have no energy left for yourself? Would you really want to forfeit your own uniqueness because you want to conform to set images, and in the process feel like you’re losing yourself?

If that’s the case then hell yes, I’m not nice! No way.

Very recently, I’ve felt my good girl mask slowly chip away. I’ve found myself saying no to people more often, setting boundaries for myself, and being a lot more respectful of my own time and energy. I was nice, but I want to be good. I want to be strong. I want to be kind and empathetic. I want to work towards my relationships and see myself grow. I want to handle fights, pain, and uncertainty instead of avoiding them. 2465f7bbde456ed134e1e5dc244aa0abI want to feel like an equal in the relationship and have my emotional needs met. And I’m starting too. It’s like tasting a flavor of ice cream you never knew existed. Like standing in your balcony, during the drizzling rain. There’s so much relief in being seen, heard, understood and loved. “It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to not want to listen to other people talking about themselves. It’s okay to not be there for someone if you can’t”. The first time I heard my therapist say things like that to me, I was quite spellbound. “But… nobody told me it was okay to cry or look sad… Mom and Dad would get sadder if I was sad. And then I felt like I shouldn’t be sad… So I’d just hop around and play instead” I whispered. She inhaled sharply and we both looked at each other with this fondness we’ve had.

“Good is hard,” Clark Kent said. That’s because being good means facing the harsh reality of things. It means standing up for yourself. It means sitting through difficult conversations and working towards forging stronger relationships. Being good takes strength and courage.

Loving yourself. Caring for yourself. Understanding yourself. These are the most underrated teachings that we’ve all had in life. People with deeper relationships have known what they need from their loved ones and have not shied away from asking for it. But the rest of us who are learning as we grow, do need to consistently invest in ourselves. It can be immensely fulfilling to be in strong, healthy relationships. People love to make others feel deeply loved. They love to make others feel cared for. They love to understand each other and support each other. As a community, that’s how we exist. And promoting healthier relationships is our moral prerogative.

Which is why, it’s OKAY to not be nice, and choose to be good instead.
It’s okay to be strong.
It’s okay to let yourself feel those uncomfortable feelings.
It’s okay to be vulnerable.
It’s okay to desire love and care.
You’re feelings don’t make you weaker.
They make you stronger instead.

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Because You Left!

Baby, come-a back-a, come a-back, come-a back
To the lips a wanna kiss you!
Baby, come-a back-a, come a-back, come-a back
To the heart that learned to miss you!
You never shoulda gone away,
You never shoulda gone away.

– ‘Baby Come-A Back-A’ by The Chordettes.

Have any of you seen Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?

The girl can talk and cause a road rash.

I wanna be like her.
I AM like her!
Only, in my life, there’s no half-wit secretary to steal my dumbass husband away.
My Joel, or Benjamin, or whoever is too busy wiling away aimlessly on tinder, cribbing about smart sexy funny girls being non-existential while swiping on half-wits with big tits himself.

Too much trash talk? Yeah, I’m gonna detour from the classy for a little bit.

My life completely fell apart today… When my prince charming told me he wasn’t interested in seeing me anymore.

Am I angry? Hell yes! Am I sad? of course (a little bit). But most of all, I’m hell confused!

As I re-watch Mrs. Maisel and type away angrily in my pajamas, I remember each date I’ve been through. The good, the bad and the ugly. Some boys were charming, some seemed a little sleazy, but most of them looked like they had NO IDEA what they were doing. The men I’ve met seemed to have this innate drive to chase me till I’m interested or spin the cobwebs of my brain manipulatively, hoping that I’d fall for them. If only was that dumb, maybe I’d be happier! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The issue with me, of course, is that I don’t understand today’s dating culture. Not that I understand any other age’s dating culture. In what seemed like biblical times, people used to trade cattle and land and property for support and survival through relationships. Love was a transaction. An act of convenience and financial security. I’m sure it’s still the same for a lot of people. But today’s day and age of dating is absolutely absurd. All the chummy rom-com movies have filled every young adult’s mind with a distorted version of what relationships are supposed to be. ‘Happiness is not a gem tucked under a mountain somewhere, left for you to find’, I’d told a friend once, wisely. I don’t know if he still remembers it, but I certainly seemed to have forgotten my own musings. What frustrates me most though, is that after the chase is over and their ego is validated, their interest in me seems to simmer down significantly.

I have heard all kinds of excuses such as ‘you’re too much’, ‘If only I wasn’t still hung up on my ex’, ‘If only I didn’t have a girlfriend’ (I obviously didn’t have any idea about the last one until I was told so). I’ve even heard ridiculous stuff like ‘You’re charming and amazing, but I think you’re too good for me!’. What?! Just. What?? If I’m so pretty and funny and smart and sexy and everything extraordinary under the sun, then what is the fucking problem? Is that intimidating? Does it put pressure of high standards on the other person? Is it too good to be true? But clearly, I exist. I’m not a unicorn now, am I? When two strangers meet, people seem to think that they’re supposed to magically click while cupid sticks them with heart-shaped arrows and sings love songs. But nobody thinks about what this seemingly perfect precious person is going through every time they’re turned down.

Rejection may not be my fault, but it brings out in me a deep-rooted feeling of being unloved and unaccepted. I’ve always felt like the loving and adorable person I am. I truly have. But due to certain environments, I did not receive the love and affection I deserved. And that left me feeling quite hurt and alone. It sucks to feel like the one who is more expressive in a relationship. It sucks to be so passionate and empathetic and loving, that you want to be nurturing towards everyone you love in your life. And it sucks to not receive that nurturing back. Love is not easy… I understand! But does it have to be so damn hard?!

So when prince charming told me he wasn’t interested anymore, I went into a spiral of anguish and rage. Why? I did EVERYTHING right!
I looked pretty on the date.
I cracked jokes that were funny.
We talked about intimate things that were close and personal.
I empathized with his hardships while he empathized with mine.
Not to mention, he made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
I liked him. And I SHOWED him I liked him!
There were scriptwriters from rom-com movies gushing over the adorableness of our first date. And yet, he left…

So, I demand to know! Where would silly men like these find a spectacular girl like me?

Mum’s The Problem.

All of us know the impact our parents have on us. More often than not, their needs become our needs, their insecurities become our insecurities and their baggage becomes our baggage. In this whirlwind of emotions, it is easy to forget that parents themselves have learned these behaviors and are empathic human beings who may be willing to unlearn it for the sake of their children.

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Recently I have met a Professor of Psychotherapy, a Consultant Psychiatrist and a GP – all parents of children lost to mental illnesses. Here’s what one mum says:

“Whenever I have seen a therapist, they have gone straight to my childhood, my up-bringing, my parents and their parents. All my behaviours and feelings seem to be explained and understood based on their behaviours, however ‘normal’, for their times. I am encouraged to think of all the ways in which they could have directly or indirectly damaged me.

By that principle, all of my child’s behaviours and feelings should be explained and understood based on the behaviours of his parents. Half of them is me. I agree. I must be part of the problem. My profession is perceived as a bigger problem. ‘High achieving Asian’ parents are assumed to put a lot of pressure on their children. So much so, the…

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Embarrassing Short Tell Tales

*And, oops, my heart went oops
It went into a spin of loop-di-loops
You must’ve thought me kin to nincompoops
The silly way I acted*Oops! by Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong

Cute, but annoying friend at school:
“Dudeeee… Your fly is open!”
I look down, panic, and get up to run to the bathroom
“Dude! You don’t have a fly, man! :’)”
Me: *rolls eyes*

I’m sitting and  daydreaming absentmindedly in the back seat of my Uber.
New passenger crosses the road and opens the door next to me to get into the car
Me: “hey can you please sit in the…”
New Passenger: “Holy mother of god, oooo shit!”
*slams door on my open-jawed face and rushes to the front seat next to the driver*
Me: “Dude! You just yelled ooo shit at my face! Am I THAT scary to look at?”
New Passenger refuses to acknowledge my presence and does not reply.
I continue to to throw dirty looks at him through out the ride.
A girl’s gotta maintain her reputation!

Cute, but annoying friend at school:
*Taps my ponytail to toss it and annoy me*
“Stop it!” I say.
*Taps it again*
“Stoooop”
*Again*
“DID I NOT JUST TELL YOU TO…”
“You’re looking really pretty today!”
Me: *blush. slowly melts inside*

Writing retreat ends. All paticipants make their way to their respective transports.
Our group of young bloggers comes together to exchange hugs and bid goodbye.
“Stay awesome” always quirky and ecstatic participant says.
“Stay corny,” I reply as I hug him. I turn to find everyone looking at me horrified.
“Stay horny?!” another participant whispers to me amused.
“Corny! I said CORNY!!!! @*$&”
Everyone bursts out laughing as I stomp off embarrassed.

Flash back to 8th grade when Avril Lavign was all the rage.
“Hey hey you you, I want to be your girlfriend! No way no way I know its not a secret! lalallalalala…” I strum along under my breath.
“Hey hey you you I want to be your boyfriend :p” guy friend next to me whispers.
*wink* *wink* *smile* *smile*

Got my hair colored in college and went to my uncles place.
“I don’t know what to say” he mutters.
“You can say it looks good!” I chime in.
*Shakes head and walk away slowly, leaving me confused*
*burn* :/

Writers retreat happening. Everyone is chilling around and socialising.
“You know! She’s just like my wife!” he talks about me to a participant chirpingly. “The way she giggles over the silly stuff and starts dancing around awkwardly! And she’s bubbly and sweet and…” trails off as the participant looks awkwardly at me and him.
“He’s my uncle” I explain. “He’s just very doting, is all.” I peck him on the cheek ❤

“I’m so nervous! I feel like I might spill my coffee”.
Date laughs cutely as if challenging my ability.
Mid way through the date, I knock the coffee over as I animatedly try to explain something. Date looks at me startled.
“I promised. And I delivered” I smile.

Walking to the watercooler during my break in school.
Strong wind blows and and tries to lift my skirt up so that I flash people.
I dive to contain it, freaked out and cross my legs while trying to keep my skirt down. I end up having a Marilyn Monroe moment, only mine was more awkward and less cute!
Guy friend crossing by says: “Ooooh my!!” *wink* *wink*
I shy away and slowly die inside.

One of my closest friends from college is from Kenya.
As we sit in her room to study, I roll around on her floor comfortably.
“Shruti! Look out!” She yells.
I freak out and look all around me.
There’s a slimy slithery bug crawling on a dozen feet towards me.
I stand up and scream:
“Ewwwwww! Purityyyy! Look! It’s BLACK and it’s creeeeepyyyyy”
Stone cold silence follows my exclamation.
“Shruti!” she whispers. I look at her horrified realising what I’d said.
She burtsts out laughing at my horror and walks around telling everyone the racist story we now call ‘black n creepy’ B-)

Realisation dawns on my dads face as we’re sitting across each other talking.
“Your hair is red!” he exclaims.
“I know. I got it streaked in college” I calmly explain.
He looks confused and awkward, then smiles slowly and says:
“You should’ve gotten blue! You know how much I like blue. Lookin’ good though ;)”
*Pecks me on my cheek as I blush slowly and melt inside*

I rush to my collegemate’s room to get help with my wardrobe.
I decided to change in her room as someone else was using mine.
Me: *changing awkwardly*
Friend: “Hey Shruti, I had to ask you something!”
“Yeah?!” I ask spinning around innocently.
*click* she takes a pic and yells “Ooooo so hawt!!!”
I jump on top of her and punch the crap out of her till she deletes the pic.
She’s insane but I love her ;”)

Are You ‘The One’?

It starts in my soul, and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose, the feelin’ shows
‘Cause you make me smile, baby, just take your time now
Holdin’ me tight, wherever you go

– Bubbly, Colbie Caillat

All of us have grown up with the concept of the one- the one person we connect with and are meant to spend our lives with. The one person who walks into our lives like the spring we’ve been long waiting for. They send our heart fluttering and make our knees weak – every time they’re nearby the sun’s shining, the birds are chirping and we’re grinning like a fool at this miracle that has dawned upon us.

Sounds familiar?

I’d think so.

All of us have been there. Silly and stupid in love. Curled in bed with our eyes glued to our phones as we text this amazing guy or girl we met that made our toes curl ❤ That’s the fun of it, right? I love the feeling! heheheh… *butterflies*

Growing up with these expectations from romantic relationships I felt like I put a lot of pressure on them. I used to walk into a date with a checklist. I’d concentrate on the fact that he’s well read instead of his body language or how he makes me feel. I pressured my self to be the funny one- cause it’s okay if it’s disappointing that he doesn’t have a sense of humor. I can make anybody laugh! Another defense mechanism. When I met someone I liked, I’d project all my desires and fantasies on them, as if they’re a demi-god that can fulfill everything I want. It’s SO MUCH better now to be able to get to know someone and enjoy their reality as opposed to trying to live in a mirage. It’s a happier and more sustainable relationship. People are wonderful and I think it’s exciting to try to understand them better the way they are.

I’ve been so heartbroken in the past over guys that have left me even when there wasn’t enough chemistry or content because I was so in love with the idea of being loved. I was brainwashed. And I wasn’t the only one! I’ve seen friends mold their partner’s personalities around their own expectations. The idea of what their ideal partner should be like is so deeply ingrained in their minds that they’re ready to torture the one they are with to avoid leaving them. If they just accepted their differences, they could grow through the pain and finding someone who fits better. And I don’t blame them; breakups hurt. All of us are kids inside who want to be loved and appreciated. And we deserve it! I have such a loving family, I can’t even begin to fathom how the child inside me would feel without them.

As we move from date to date and jump from relationship to relationship to find the perfect fit, we are on an endless conquest of the non-existent. Have you seen the movie called Isn’t It Romantic? A chubby girl with wonder-filled eyes grows up deprived of love while hearing constant jabs about her possibilities of a romantic life; She bumps her head and stumbles into an alternate universe where New York is clean and pretty and everyone is nice to her. Also, there’s a hunky billionaire who’s head over heels in love

 

with her and is persistent in showing his affection. She tries to do everything to get out of this absurd world. Tries to dress up, fall in love with the billionaire, swing to cheesy dance songs, everything she thinks the universe wants her to do to get out of the place! Only in the end does she realize that it was herself that she was meant to fall in love with. Because she alone is enough. Don’t get me wrong! All of us need loving and nurturing relationships. But how do we love someone else when we aren’t in love with ourselves? How do we lose ourselves in someone without getting lost if we don’t know ourselves? How do we accept love if we don’t truly believe we deserve it? It’s tough.

It’s so important in this day and age of booming technology and over communication to take a few steps back and be a little old school. Take it slow. It’s important to know that there is no ‘the one’. It’s a myth. There is no perfect person or perfect relationships. People are flawed. they come with their own insecurities and baggage and that’s okay. It’s okay to be imperfect; It’s beautiful even. Cheesy as it sounds, our imperfections are a part of us and our experiences do make us unique. A little empathy for the people we love would really take us a long way in our relationship. I smile as I remember my aunt telling me that.

Maybe we shouldn’t burden ourselves with the concept of the one.

There’s someone for everyone. And of course, it’s a matter of finding them- cause they’re not going to bust down your door and barge into your place.

But maybe it’s great to just find someone who fits, you know?
With whom you have chemistry
Someone you love laughing with
Someone who makes you feel warm inside
Someone you trust

And it’s definitely possible to find someone like that! It’s possible to find MULTIPLE someones like that! Hell, there are 7 billion people on this planet! 😂

My Trip To Atlanta

“You should come visit” -NJ
Me -“I’d love to but I’m so stressed right now. Plus I’m traveling to India!”

“You should totally come visit” -NJ (after a few weeks)
Me -“Uh, I don’t know.. I have end sems and I’m traveling to my parents for vacation :/”

“Dude! You need to come visit” – NJ (after a few more weeks)
Me -“Hm… I could I guess. I have a week of vacation in March for spring break.
NJ – “What?! Get your ridiculous self down here then! That’s it!
Me – “Okay!”

That is literally the amount of planning I  did for this trip. And as you know, the lesser you plan the better it gets!

I have been in a crazy phase of impromptu trips over the past year, but honestly, this was the one I enjoyed most.

Atlanta is a gorgeous city in Georgia state. It is very serene and beautify and has a very peppy vibe. Between the quaint bistros, colorful galleries and vibrant parks, I was completely sold for the place.

 

Atlanta downtown, of course, has skyscrapers and is buzzing with activity. But the area that NJ lives in, called Smyrna, is a very laid back suburban area with comfy looking townhouses and a lot of greenery. It really is for nature enthusiastic professionals because of the balance it strikes between providing the benefits of being near a city and the relaxation of a laid back town. They also have art projects going on around the city. Tiny Doors ATL is an Atlanta-based art project bringing big wonder to tiny spaces. Tiny Doors ATL literally installs 7-inch tall doors in strategic places throughout the city. Each door is designed to look and feel like the surrounding neighborhood’s architecture and community spirit. Like the neighborhoods, no two doors are exactly the same! Collecting pictures of the Tiny Doors is an activity that most tourists do. Atlanta has a large and vibrant art scene that I thought was really cool!

One of the most interesting experiences that I had on this trip was going to the Hippie Sabotage Concert. I had never conscientiously put in an effort to listen to electronic dance music before. And because that’s practically what NJ listens to all day along with a wide array of other music that I don’t understand, I was pretty nervous about going to this concert. hippieBut once we entered, the ambiance was fabulous! They had an amazingly comfortable interior with a large and jazzy dance floor next to the bar. The stage was huge and well lit. Their light coordination with the music was mind-blowing. They also had two floors of seatings and a popsicle vending store, which was fabulous. That was more than enough to get NJ psyched about the concert. Never seen a person so excited like a puppy dog :’) Although, I hadn’t listened to a lot of their music, I heard a few songs before the concert to get myself familiar. I also kept googling up the lyrics with NJ’s help for any of the songs that I didn’t know. I was sorted! It was a loud night of lights, music and incoherent screaming- and I loved all of it! NJ was so glad that the night was a hit and I was super happy that I had a very exciting introduction to EDM music. The Hippie Sabotage may not be a well-known band, but they did a good job of keeping the audience entertained. I thought they were “Dope!” 😀

Next, we went to this galleria called Little Five Points which was the most colorful and peppy galleria I’d ever seen. They had everything. EVERYTHING. From themed resto-bars to quaint bookshops, art boutiques and exclusive clothes stores, they had it all! I bought some amazingly adorable decorators for my room along with badges and piercings. It was wonderful. 

 

I walked around the stores for a bit and did my rummaging around for good-vibe-things. We had dragged along NJ’s roommate Nicole and her fond boyfriend Wess for our shopping rage as well. We walked, chatted and they introduced me to an emo themed restaurant called The Vortex. The food was as impressive as the name was. With their large burgers and delicious beer they had us swooning at the table. Again, lots of laughter and games over food – this gorgeous gang of unicorns kinda made my day.😊

Apart from shopping and partying, we also did all the cozy things I enjoy most. NJ had recently gotten into watercolor art and would get snug with her roommate to paint every other day. img_2134So, we snuggled up in the living room and decided what we’d like to color. After much fretting and reservation, I finally agreed to paint a picture that I saw on Pinterest and liked. For more on my struggles with painting art, please read my last blog post, Pretty As A Picture. To my surprise, I came up with a really pretty and close replica of what I wanted to paint! It was super fun and relaxing. We played the latest season of Queer Eye on the side, got some delicious food and gossiped 😀 Another favorite activity of mine was spending time with Lucy. Lucy is a friends dog that NJ babysits whenever they go out. She’s the most enthusiastic dog I have ever met. She’s very young, loving and adorable and it was her morning routine to wake me up by trying to lick my face off. Honestly, I didn’t mind 🙂 WhatsApp Image 2019-03-16 at 7.35.37 PMI would hear Nicole, greet lucy every morning with lots of love! Like a mother reunited with her pup after an endless night of separation, gushing over her fondly. Lucy definitely pumped up the happiness quotient of the house by a couple of shots. That’s her on the right. She likes to pose and is very photogenic! Such a diva ❤️ I also loved the long drives that NJ and I took. The city is so beautiful and green that driving around it at stopping for food at drinks at my every whims and fancy was pretty magical. It’s that kind of a place where travel gets you high. In a short span of three days, we tried all of Vietnamese, Thai, Chinese, American and Indian cuisines. It was fabulous. My taste buds haven’t stopped thanking NJ yet. 😍 On colder nights, I’d cozy up on NJ’s barcalounger with my laptop and food, creating content for what I’d write next. Sometimes Lucy would join me and we’d take a nap. It was NJ’s mission to stop at every fantastic food place and make me dance at every club we went to. Worked out well for me I guess! Walking along the art walkway into the sunset eating popsicles and talking about things that matter what my favorite part. I don’t know what perfect means but I’m pretty sure this was hella close to it :’)

Thanks, NJ, for dragging me away from my rut and giving me the vacation I deserved ❤️

Stay beautiful, bruh.

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I’ve Got Your Back

Let’s talk about Brocode. Bromance. Broism. Bromide? I don’t know! All of the above. Except for Bromide.
I failed Chemistry 😀

We all know the famous brocode that is honored among bros. These are the obvious rules or guidelines among bros that are religiously followed in order to show loyalty to the pact.

Examples:

#1 Sisters are off limits
#2 Exes are off limits
#3 If a guy is chasing a girl, let him have her
#4 Do not in any way, be that guy
#5 You always watch the game
Etcetera…

We often see guys follow these particular guidelines and stick by their bros no matter what. Women are often put in this mold of stereotype, where they are expected to backstab and claw at each other.
While this is far from the truth, stories of sisterhood support are like urban myths right now. Nobody is ready to believe that women can be there for other women, irrespective of caste, age, religion, and culture.
Allow me to share with you a story from my sisterhood band:
I had a very sweet and naive roommate, who used to try to look at the best in people. She had just moved out of her home and had livedwallpaper.wiki-Free-Download-Disney-Tangled-Wallpaper-PIC-WPD008786 in the protective shell of her parents her whole life. There were two gentlemen whose company she frequented. One very loud and obnoxious and the other of the creepy sorts. I tried to politely imply that they may not be the best kind of company. But starry-eyed with her new found freedom, lovely roommate did not heed to my warnings. Summer came, summer went and she was still the best of pals with them. “Maybe they’re not so bad!” I thought. So the next time we hosted a dinner party for Diwali, I suggested that she call them along with our mutual friends.

Lots of food and games and laughter was what that evening entailed. Lovely roommate was forever engrossed in her conversation with friends ‘loud and obnoxious’ and ‘creepy creeperson’. She seemed Happy! And I felt a little guilt for having judged them so harshly. By the end of the evening, I felt quite elated to have found a set of people who felt like friends in a new strange city.

But alas! My friendly musings were short lived. We all gathered together to take a group photo that marked the end of the night. Squashed between lovely roommate and her creepy friend, I tried my best to plaster a smile giphy (1)for the group photograph. As we huddled together, I felt a hand wrap around my waist in a very inappropriate and uncomfortable fashion. Creepy creeperson here was trying to cross a line! Flustered, I tried to nudge him away but he kept trying to hold on. Angry, I elbow jerked him into moving away and marched over to the kitchen with my roommate while he yelped in pain. I animatedly told her everything that happened. She was aghast.

My roommate told another roommate who told another roommate who told a friend. Within 5 minutes the girl squad was ready to throw this pesky beast out of the house. We pushed him out into the cold to figure his way back home and barked behind him to never return again! Teary-eyed, lovely roommate apologized for her friend’s behavior as she felt responsible. We hugged it out, and from there on she always made it a point to protect me from such leeches, even though she didn’t have to 😂

Thank you lovely roommate for having my back 🙂
The sisterhood still survives…

I thought long and hard about how I could best define sisterhood. A conversation with a fellow sister brought clarity to what sisterhood means for me. Sisterhood to me means belonging to a pact where you feel understood and cared for. 52f4fb13d39d155ae28b6d5d032872cf--bff-ideas-bff-pictures-ideasHaving a free space – where you can be yourself and you know you’re not being judged. Having someone to come back to after a tired day in the cold, and find something nice and warm cooked for you. Having the security that this person understands when you feel vulnerable and is ready to help you through tough times. Having the assurity that you can go out in that dress you were so shy to wear for so long. Knowing that your sisters will have your back, encouraging you with nods and smiles through the evening. And when the dress backfires, they’ll be with you in the washroom, brushing your hair and redoing your make up to make sure you look good. Having someone be kind to you when its ‘that’ time of the month and say “Hey, it’s okay, why don’t you lie down and I’ll make you hot chocolate!”

It could be a bond between sisters or a group of close friends. It could be a close relationship between a mother and her daughter or a niece with her aunt. It could be a teacher and a student or two neighbors who feel a connection.

A sisterhood bond is not superficial. It’s not parties and makeup and gossip like most people think. Strong sisterhoods are forged from years of togetherness where you feel seen, heard, understood. Where your principles valued and your aspirations adorned. We talk about things that matter and take a stand for each other.

Sure, we don’t have a book of sisterhood rules. That’s because there is only one rule:

Come what may, you have to have your sister’s back!

This one is dedicated to all my sisters.

 

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